


You're Hot and I Hate You

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Modeling, Nude Modeling, Office, Stalking, Tumblr Prompt, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 02:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4649514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re an underwear model and there’s a giant billboard of your toned body just across from where I work so I have to look at you every day AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Hot and I Hate You

The minute he stepped into the office, all he could think was ‘oh no: not again.’

Working in a dense city meant that the office view was never going to be pretty, and having a giant billboard outside of his office was just something Mike had accepted. He’d been here, what, four years now? Five? He was very used to the billboard: the advertisement would change every three weeks like clockwork, and that was fine by him because it was something new to look at between managing the company’s finances.

Well, until six weeks ago.

The morning traffic had been shit, the coffee had tasted like battery acid, and he’d been a whole twelve minutes late: everything exactly the same as it had been for the last four (or maybe five) years. He liked it that way.

And everything was fine until he walked into the office and every single woman was crowded around the window. So he walked over, and he should have known that that was a bad decision because Gunther sniggered at him as he walked past, shaking his head. He really should have caught on to what he was trying to what the sales assistant was trying to suggest.

Calvin Klein. Men’s underwear. Very, very, very hot male model.

Petra nudged him winking. He’d never regretted bringing a boyfriend to the Christmas party so much in his life. He’d never hear the end this: staring at some adonis’s package for three weeks straight.

‘Straight’ was not the right word for this situation, he reflected.

The first day had been hard enough; he tried desperately hard to work on his financial report for that month, but the model was staring at him. He was gorgeous; ripped as fuck all with a dick roughly the length of a garden hose.

Not that Mike would ever bottom. But still, no one wants a guy with a small cock.

After three weeks of drooling over his keyboard, trying to disguise the fact he was half-hard at coffee breaks, and endless teasing from his co-workers, he walked in to find the minions staring back at him. He hated them, but at least they weren’t distracting. Or dreamy.

He missed the underwear model at first, but found it a lot easier to concentrate on his work. Things started going smoothly again, he started his next monthly report and…

Bam, three weeks of minions were over and Calvin Klein employee of the year was back.

Except this time he was advertising cologne or something, and he was completely naked; lying on luxurious looking sofa with one hand carefully placed over his crotch.

He’d never blushed so hard in his life.

Three days of naked sex god plastered to the window he had no choice but to stare at every day of his life and he’d had enough. He couldn’t not make his pain known to someone. Thankfully Google made it easy enough to find the name of said sex god: one Erwin Smith.

Mike was a bit of a computer genius: in his earlier years he’d made a hobby out of hacking into all kinds of websites, so hacking Erwin Smith’s instagram account to find his email address was all too easy.  And once you have an email address, you can find all kinds of information out – say, their home address.

Jesus fuck, this was a terrible idea, but he was stood outside the house with his finger on the doorbell.

The man that answered the door was almost unrecognisable with clothing on. He looked up at Mike, obviously a little put off by the taller man – everyone was. Being six foot five was ridiculous.

“Can I help you?”

People seemed to forget that Mike wasn’t shy. Yeah, he was quiet, but not shy.

“There is a giant billboard outside my office window. I have to stare at it every day because there is literally nothing else out of that window, and your naked body is plastered to it.”

Erwin Smith stared back at him, obviously a little speechless.

“Not only that, six weeks ago you were pinned to it as well, and despite the boxers you were advertising, you’re crotch still made things very awkward for me at work.”

Again, he didn’t get much of a response.

“I had to complain about it to someone, and calling your manager or whatever to inform them that I’m pissed off and horny throughout my working day seemed like a weird thing to do, so I thought I’d come here and inform you that you’re hot and I hate you.”

Erwin Smith stared back, running a hand through his short, blond hair. Short, blond hair that Mike could have recognised anywhere.

“I’m… sorry?”

“Sorry? I have to stare at you’re divested body for the next two and half weeks as I desperately try to calculate how over budget the damn company is! Do you know how distractingly gorgeous you are?!”

“I, uh-”

“No. No you do not. You are incomprehensibly stunning, okay? I literally couldn’t begin to describe how beautiful you are. It’s very…frustrating.”

Erwin’s widened eyes watched him with a slight amount of fear as he came to the end of his rant, “Are you… Are you done?”

He nodded, exhaling the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. Mike waited for a response along the lines of ‘how did you get my address?’ or ‘jeez, I have the weirdest stalkers,” but he didn’t get one.

“So… are you single?”

Somewhere in Mike’s head an alarm went off. He ignored it, “yeah.”

“Do you need to be anywhere this afternoon?”

The alarm got louder, “No.”

Erwin stepped aside, pulling the door open.

“I’m Erwin Smith, please let me help you out with your arousal problem.”


End file.
